Fountain of Youth

30 Apr

Mavis and I were talking the other day about how ancient she really is.  The truth of the matter is that she was born a gazillion light years ago and is 103 years old.  You would never guess it with a complexion like hers!  Her secret is the fountain of youth!  I’m not kidding!!! Just ask her.  Every night she uses Pond’s cold cream and Vaseline.  It really works.  No joke!  All that bull people feed you about petroleum causing cancer and shit… Lies I tell you!!!! Just head on down to your local Wal-Mart and buy an economy size jar of Vaseline and a thing of Pond’s for a buck ninety-nine and you are set!  All of Mavis’ aunts and other female relatives have used the stuff and they are well-preserve.  So you better believe it ladies and gents!!! It’s the fountain of youth.  Even Edie Mae is fond of the Pond’s and Vaseline beauty trick!!!  And you all know how beautiful Edie is!!!!   So try it out if you dare!!! –Juniper

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