Gertrude Swallows A Patron

30 Apr

It was the grand opening for the menagerie in Las Vegas.  It only happens once a year.  Every Carny, Gypsy, and Animal had been preparing the entire month or longer for this show.  Gertrude and I were extremely jittery.  I was practicing my lines and my steps in my trailor and Gertie was in her cage.  I could here the clatter and clamour of people outside the circus tent.  As usual people were anxious for the entertainment to begin.  Many guests arrive early to eat the circus food like peanuts, cotton candy, and popcorn.  I’ve never been a big fan of the stuff myself.  (Maybe that’s why I’ve lived so long).  Music was drifting through the air softly, and a light breeze would occasionly shake the tent.  I started to apply my make-up.  It’s a long process:  even though I have such a great complexion for an older woman, there are still a few lines I need to cover.  I kept day dreaming about my new costume.  I was so excited about it, because I had it custom made, and it had the most amazing peacock feathers cascading down the back in a train.  All of the sudden, I heard a blood curdling scream!  Fiona came rushing into my trailor.  “Mavis, Mavis!  Gertrude…(she stopped to catch her breath)…swallowed a little girl!”  I almost fainted.  In all my years in the circus I have seen some bizarre acts, but never have I seen something as weird as a hippo swallowing a five year old little girl.  I bounded out of my trailor, (with suprising speed for my age and considering my missing limb), and hurried to the scene of the crime.  Bystanders were amazed at my agility too.  I looked into Gertrude’s eyes with inquisition and simultaneous disgust.  “Gertrude”, I demanded, “spit her out this second!”.  She shook her head.  We had played this game with her rubber ball, so I thought it would work.  I asked if there were any witnesses.  Her mom said the little girl was taunting her with a candied appled and reached into her cage.  “Well, that explains it,” I said.  “She deserved it!”  I tried and tried to get Gertie to dispel the child to no avail.  For twelve hours little “Virginia” was inside of the hippo. Even the Channel 12 News came out to report it.  All of the sudden, Gertrude began to groan.  The bystanders were curious.  The massive hippo, (who mind you had missed her big show and was in hot water), stood up and moaning the entire time, took the biggest dump of her life!  Poor little Virginia.  But that sure taught Gertrude a painful lesson.  The little girl’s mom was so happy, (especially because Virginia was still alive).  -The End

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