History of the Wooden Leg

30 Apr

It is not often that one encounters a human being with a wooden leg. A prosthesis, yes, but one created of wood, no. These days, technology has provided the human race with all sorts of amazing realistic and highly functional prosthetic limbs. I was offered one of these high-tech leg attachments. When I lost my leg in “the accident”, my parents were very poor. As most of you know, the circus back in the day provided very little income, especially for a family. Health insurance? Hell fucking no! Government help? Are you fucking kidding me? Anyway, my parents had to have the local shoe cobbler make me, a five year old circus rat, a little stubby leg attachment. It was cute at first. All the circus goers would laugh and point and say, “Aww, look at the cute little girl with the wooden leg!” I was indifferent in the beginning. My mother would tell me, “Mave, sweetie, God made you special so that, someday, you will be more amazing than anyone else in the world!” I took that to heart. I chewed on that idea for years. Without my wooden leg, I don’t think I’d be the woman that I am today! Above all, I am glad that I never invested in a more advanced, normal leg. The wooden one sets me apart from other people with missing limbs. However, I always give a wink to my fellow limbless comrades out there. We have a special connection. Now that I am able to afford expensive-ass health insurance that the stupid ass government isn’t smart enough to help it’s own people with, I can afford fancier legs that are no longer splintery. You won’t believe how great hippo spit and a pair of panties works to shine it too! Gertrude has pretty waxy saliva. Don’t think it’s gross. She’s a vegetarian! 😉 Love, Mavis Rose Sinclair

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