Online Dating v. Running Through a Field of Daisies

30 Apr

Mavis sent me a letter from the Amazon about her thoughts. It reads as follows:

Dear readers,
Once upon a time, the good old days, when my breasts were perkier, and I could do the 50 meter dash in under 60 seconds with my wooden leg, people used to meet their boyfriends at school, at the movie theatre, or even while eating a candied apple at the local circus. Then, they’d play smoochie smooch, go to a drive-in or somethin’ to that effect and get hitched. Whatever it was, falling in love was of the material world; it was physical. None of this cyber-world, I found my match on the internet bullshit! I have all these friends that say, “I found this great guy on the net Mave. He’s just like me. An artist, loves nature… yada, yada, yada….” Isn’t the idea to be opposites? Or to have some fateful run in with your mate? Wouldn’t it be more exciting to accidently bump into your future lover while sipping orange soda on a train to Berlin? My dream situation would be to meet my man while flying a kite in a field full of daisies wearing nothing but pink panties. There would be one tree. A mimosa tree with flowers like fire crackers. The wind would be blowing through my hair. He would gallop up on a kangaroo. The kangaroo would have a bouquet of broccoli in her pouch and my future husband would shout, “Mavis Rose Sinclair, I have come to take you to the land where panties flow like water from the rooftops, and Gertrude will live with us in harmony. Your wooden leg will disappear, and you will have a new normal leg. I would mount the kangaroo with him, and we would bounce away into the sunrise. Of course, we would live happily ever after. The point of this story is: People… you can’t meet the mate of your dreams online. But, you can meet them in a field of daisies. Love, Mavis Rose P.S. The Amazon is gorgeous. The bugs are awesome!

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