Confessions of a Slutty Hippo

11 Jul

Today I was innocently lounging in my abode reading a cheesy crime novel that I’ve already read a thousand times when there was a loud rap at the door! I wasn’t expecting company so I was scantily clad and very cozy where I was laying at the moment. Reluctantly, I hobbled to the door and poked my head out. Oh! It was just trampy Gertrude. She wanted to “come inside”, because she “had important business” to relay. I let her in. As usual, her fat ass barely squeezed through the door… She is a hippo folks!
I quickly revisited the nest of pillows I had been inhabiting and she plunked down onto the floor.
The conversation ensued immediately. It went something like this:
Gertrude sighed.
I looked at her intently, with frustration building behind my gaze.
Gertrude spilled her guts.
The truth is… hold onto your hats people!
The skanky pachyderm never was pregnant in the first place!!!
The second she told me this, I could feel my blood pressure rising. My ears were burning hot.
Her reason?
She needed a fucking vacation!
Well if the girl needed time off, she could have just asked.
I was so pissed off that I demanded she leave immediately.
I must say though, that out of all of that, it is nice to know that I will have Gertrude back in the ring with me.
Maybe I’ll give her an extra brutal lashing with my wooden leg at the next show. -Mavis

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One Response to “Confessions of a Slutty Hippo”

  1. Rita Childress July 11, 2010 at 2:52 am #

    Is Gertrude a teenager? If so, I am not surprised. that bitch!

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