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30 Apr

I am reaching an epic turning point in my life folks!  My hippo training is pristine.  Gertrude’s and my friendship is stronger than ever and our act is down to a “T”.  She and I have been spending the wee hours of the night and morning lately discussing what’s next.  We want to keep our act fresh.  It’s important not to bore the audience with the same routine over and over again.  Now, we already have the circus seamstress making our new costumes.  Gertrude and I collaborated on them the other day!  It’s a big surprise.  So, I can’t describe them to ya’ll yet.  I’m very excited to unveil them at our next show.  New costumes can really spice up a new act.  We’ve been milling over some ideas and we think we’ve come up with some pretty schnazzy ones.  At the moment, as you all know, I beat her into submission with my wooden leg and strangle her with my panties.  However, we were thinkin’ that it would be good to throw in a little somethin’ extra to mix it up.  Now, Gertrude has a few tricks up her sleeve… she could swallow my wooden leg at the end.  (or pretend to anyway)  That might amaze the crowd.  Or I was thinkin’ that occasionally we could do a switcheroo and she could beat me into submission for a change.  What do ya’ll think?  It’s about time we did something a little different.  We need to add a little twist to this whole experience.  We also thought about tying a rope of panties together and pulling them out of Gertrude’s mouth to amaze the audience.  You know, the old scarf in the belly trick.  I think that’s the winner!  She’s very good at it.  To celebrate this new turning point in the show, I invited my old friend who also has a wooden leg to visit the circus.  I thought it might be interesting to have two people beating Gertie into submission at once!  Why not?  My friend’s name is Dolly Kante.  I’ve known her for a million years!  She works at a circus a circus that travels around Europe.  Her act is to walk the tightrope with her wooden leg and then take it off mid act!  The crowd goes wild!  It truly is a balancing feat.  I definitely couldn’t do it.  I don’t have the equilibrium.  And she’s 107 years old!  Can you believe it?  We had a great time when she was in town.  We decided to go hobbling about the circus grounds in our wooden legs to celebrate our new act.  Before we went out, we drank around 6 or 7 mojitos each!  It was so much fun!  Anyway, I decided I wanted to switch out the leg I was wearing for a fancier one before we went out.  So, I went to my closet to get my favorite one.  It’s the purple mahogany with hot pink laces.  When I opened the door, to my dismay, a grass green leg with yellow laces was in it’s place!  “What the hell?”, I screamed.  Dolly Kante came running.  I was perplexed.  How did my leg get switched?  I racked my brain trying to figure out how it could be possible.  But to no avail.  We decided to put up posters for my missing limb all over camp.  We still haven’t found it!  It is such a mystery.  How could this have happened?  No one except for me and Gertie really go in my trailor.  I guess only time will tell.  Until then, I guess I’ll wear this leg.  It’s actually pretty good quality.  And, no, this old lady is not losing her marbles!  -Mavis Rose